For My Mom

Many of you know that my Mom recently had surgery to remove a nodule that showed up on her last scan weeks ago.  We now know that nodule was cancerous, and my fighter of a Mom will have to fight again - for the third time in two decades.

I am heartbroken for her.  And my own tears feel selfish.  This is not a battle I have had to fight, but in ways it feels like our family is being asked to "suit up" in our armor once again to stand behind my Mom and face this beast again.  We all thought she had fought and won over this thing for good.  The thought of watching her go through this again makes me wish I could do it for her.

One of the songs that has been playing in my mind this week is one I've heard on the radio a lot.

"Hey, Momma how do you get a red wine stain out of your favorite dress?

[How do you get] black mascara off a pillowcase?

[How do you] cure a one too many headache? ...

Momma, can you die from a broken heart?"

The song doesn't have much of anything to do with what's going on now.  It's mostly about a girl who has been left brokenhearted by a boy.  So she goes to her Mom, as she does with everything else.  It's that relationship between the mother and daughter that makes me think of the song now.  I have been lucky enough to have the kind of relationship where I can call on my Mom the same way.  I can ask her anything and call her anytime, as you would a close friend.  That's who she is to me - a best friend.

The Summer before I started high school, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer for the first time.  And it shook me in a way I can't put to words.  It was the first time I had to wonder, "will I always be able to call on my Mom?"  I knew she wouldn't live forever, but to my naive 8th grade self, this was a shaking thought I hadn't really had before.  I didn't know then that years down the road we would get this news again, and now once more.  Every time we have gotten this news, I go back to feeling like that 8th grade girl.  My need for my Mom hasn't changed all these years.  I've gained a couple of diplomas, some independence, a husband, and a sweet little boy who made me a Mom.  But I am still a child - her child.  And when I first realized there was a chance I might lose her before she was old and gray, it changed me.  That was the Summer I came to know Christ.  And I have to think that God knew I would need to be that vulnerable to finally come running to Him.  There were a lot of other things leading up to that Summer (a lifetime of seeds planted) that led me to accept Him as the one who saved me.  But certainly, my Mom's life and that unpleasant chapter for our family had a strong hand in it, too.

This time around is a little different.  Now, I'm a Mom myself.  And even though I'm not a child living under her roof anymore, I feel like I've grown somehow more dependent on her.  Maybe it's all of the times I've had to go to her lately for "mom" advice.  When I first heard the news, I felt like Job asking God all of the questions.  ("Why?  Why now? Why a third time - what did she not prove the first two times?")  I didn't want to feel that way, but for a while I did.  Then, I started realizing that all of the things I was upset about were the same reasons I should be celebrating.  As I was asking God "why a third time" I realized, there may have never been a third (or a second) time.  Because, God could have taken my Mom to be with him two decades ago when she fought this battle the first time.  Or He could have taken her at any point in time - and it didn't have to be because of cancer.  I thought about how God had answered so many of my prayers back in 2000.  How lucky I am that my Mom got to see me graduate high school and college; she and I got to travel to Paris together - twice!  We have shared a plane to California several Summers;  She watched me fall in love, helped me pick out my wedding dress, and was sitting in the front row when I married Blaine.  And probably the one I'm most thankful for: she was in the room when Joey came into the world and her youngest became a Mom.  When I realize how much I have to be thankful for, it brings an end to a lot of my "how could you, God?" questions.  Now, I'll be honest... I still selfishly want my Mom here for at least another two decades!  She has been a part of some beautiful milestones in my life, but there are more to be had.  I want her to see Joey start Kindergarten; to be there to cheer him on for any soccer games, school plays, baseball, basketball, or band competitions (whatever he takes an interest in!).  I want my Mom to be around for me to call on when I need advice with potty training, helping Joey in school, being able to mother him well during his teenage years, and a million other things that I know will come up when I will just want to talk to my Mom.  Because that's our relationship - any little thing, no matter how heavy or insignificant, even a joke or a silly gif.  I want to keep sharing all of those things with my Mom on this side of heaven.

I know there will come a day when we'll have to say goodbye.  And thank God for what Jesus did at the cross, because that goodbye won't be forever.  But I'm not done calling on you here, Mom.  I'm begging God to let you win this fight again so you can be here to take so many more of my questions and bad jokes.  I want more phone calls, shopping trips, more memorable vacations, more holidays and milestones with Joey; more time.  

I don't know a good way to end this, other than to say I'm proud to be your daughter, Mom.  I know the days and months ahead will only make me appreciate you more.  You have an army of prayer warriors behind you.  We want you well again!  And I'm thankful for every day you're here.  

I love you, Mom

Fall 2020 Home Tour

 There's something about Fall, when the world slows down and gets re-energized.  The days are shorter, which means we're drawn into our homes a little longer each day.  I think that's one of the reasons Fall is my favorite season to decorate!  (Well, that may be a lie... I don't think it tops the joy I feel when I decorate for Christmas.  But maybe part of the fulfillment in bringing out the pumpkins is knowing that very soon, the Christmas tree will follow!)

But until this space is filled with fir trees and twinkling lights, I'm good with pumpkins and sunflowers!

We'll start at our front door.  Welcome to our home :)

The pictures you see are what our front porch looks like right now... (sidewalk chalk, included).  I was hoping that by the time I went to post this blog, the mums would decide to bloom, at least a little.  I ended up getting one yellow and one burnt orange colored pot of mums.  Soon enough, these will add the bright colors our porch needs!  For now, the only Fall color is from the faux daisies bushel in the watering can.

We will also soon add some pumpkins, once we take a trip to the pumpkin patch :)

Now, let's go inside...

Until this year, I really didn't have much in the way of Fall decor.  And what I did have was a "hodge"podge (enter the Leo Dicaprio smug laugh meme here) of things that I either picked up at a yard sale, or things that my Mom was ready to get rid of that I gladly intercepted.  It isn't that I dislike any of the things I already had (actually, the Fall garland I set out on our mantle is still one of my favorite pieces!).  But I decided it was time to invest in some good pieces that I knew I would enjoy setting out every year.  

One of the first things you see when you walk in our front door is our fireplace - my favorite part of the house to decorate every season!

The garland is one that was given to me by my Mom, and it is still one of my favorite pieces to use every Fall.  With all of the new things I purchased this year, I kept this garland in mind to try to add to its colors.  I love the traditional orange, yellow and reds.  I wanted to make those colors pop in other areas of the living room, too.

On the far side of our mantel are three of my favorite pieces that stay here year round: the two copper lanterns and the wrapped canvas one of my best friend's made with my favorite Bible verse.  I used a couple of pieces from a faux pumpkin pack from Hobby Lobby to fill in the empty spaces.  The larger red-orange pumpkin with the gold stem is another Target Bullseye Playground purchase :)  When I bought it, I wasn't sure where I would use it, but I loved the color so much I decided to get it.  And I'm glad I did - this color pops out in a few other places in the living room, and I'm glad it made its way on the mantel.

One of those places where that red-orange color pops is the couch.  Last year, I purchased this pumpkin pillow from Homegoods.  And one of the things on my wish list this year was a nice throw that would compliment the colors of the pumpkins and draw out some of the bright colors in the garland.  I felt like this "bubble throw" from Kirkland's did both!  And (bonus) it is so soft!!

This tray is new this year - it was my Mom's, and was a dark brown wood stain with some red script on it (I think it was some sort of vintage stamp).  But I wanted to brighten it up, since the coffee table is already a dark wood stain.  So I unscrewed the wood oval from the black tray, and painted it white.  I am actually thinking of going back over the white paint at some point with a dark gel that my Mom has used on some of her furniture to add some depth.  But for now, I like how it looks.  The dark Fall colors add a good contrast to the bright white.  To brighten the table up a bit more this year, I also added this striped table runner which was another Target dollar spot find!

Behind the couch sits my grandparents' old piano.  I added a few touches to the top - one of my favorite things being this "Fall Sweet Fall" sign from Hobby Lobby.  I love the script and the farmhouse look.  I got the black and white striped fabric pumpkin from Hobby Lobby, as well.  The eucalyptus sprig is from the Target Bullseye Playground, along with the cream colored pumpkin sitting beside our Willow Tree figures.  In the lantern, I just added a couple of pieces leftover from the mantel decor (a small orange pumpkin and a faux succulent).  I wanted to keep this area subtle so it wouldn't compete too much with the mantel and fireplace.  I'm pleased with how it turned out :)

Between our living room and kitchen is this wall that lines our staircase.  I wanted to keep things a little simple on this entryway table -- if you can call it that.  Really, we don't have an entryway, but this table is the closest thing to our front door, so that's what I call it.

I've used this picture of Joey at the pumpkin patch from when he was 7 months old every year since I took it.  I need an updated Fall picture of him, but honestly, even if I had one I think I would still use this one :)

The landscape of the picture lends itself to the decor I get to put around it -- the truck, the "Farm Fresh pumpkins" sign I got from Hobby Lobby, and of course, lots of pumpkins!  The faux sunflowers I have had for years (I believe they were my Mom's).  I just arranged them in this ceramic pitcher I picked up this year from Target's Bullseye Playground, along with the gray ceramic truck.  The small pumpkin in the truck bed is one that fell off of a garland - it fits perfectly!

Now, let's head into the kitchen...

I didn't add much, but the few pieces I did put in here gave it the look I wanted in the end.  

On our table, I put out this pumpkin table runner that my Mom bought for me from Homegoods years ago.  I love the light watercolor pattern - it's subtle enough that it blends in with the other colors that stay in our kitchen year round.  

From Wal Mart, I found this cute fox with the bandana.  Something about him reminds me of Joey :)  He was under $4 and one of my favorite things I bought this season.  (My Mom loved him so much, she got one too).  The small white ceramic pumpkin was another Target dollar spot find - for $1 I'm wishing I had bought more!  

The white pitcher with the terra cotta finish on the bottom also came from Target's dollar spot.  I added some eucalyptus that I found at Wal Mart for $2!  I learned from a girl on YouTube that Wal Mart is a great place to buy greenery, and she was right!  This has the look and feel of the higher priced greenery you'd find at JoAnn's and Hobby Lobby.  And on the other side of the pitcher is an orange yarn pumpkin I purchased a couple years ago from the Target dollar spot.

 

Besides the fireplace, one of my favorite areas to decorate every season is our coffee bar :)  It only takes a few small touches to change the look of it, and I feel like this small little area on our counter adds a lot to the overall theme of the kitchen.  

This year, I was able to find a Fall sign to hang as a back drop - this Pumpkin Patch sign came from (you guessed it) the Target dollar spot for $5.  It was easy to add in decor pieces with that went along with the sign.  

I bought another one of the ceramic trucks from Target, like the one on our entryway table to go here.  The small pumpkin is another one that fell off of a garland.  And the "gather" mug is one that was a gift from my Mom from Target's Hearth and Hand line last year.  

I used some of the decor I had left over after decorating the living room to add some subtle touches by our sink.  The faux red-orange mums came from the Target dollar spot, and I didn't know when I bought them how well they would match the light orange pumpkins my Mom and I got from Hobby Lobby.  The white cake stand and the small white pitcher are both also from the Target dollar spot, from this past Spring.  I love being able to leave out some of the same pieces year round and just change out small details to give it a new look each season.

I looked and looked for this small leaf garland at different Targets, and figured I wouldn't find it after the Fall line had been released a little over two months.  Then on a day I went in to grab dog food, there it was.  I thought I would use it on our coffee table, with a candle in the middle.  But I liked the way the tray turned out, and didn't want to switch anything out.  I tried it in a few different places before I went to put some dirty dishes in the sink and saw the empty command hook above the sink on our kitchen window.  I know it's meant to be a garland, but I think the wreath look is just what the kitchen needed to make it feel more like Fall, without trying too hard!  My absolute favorite part about it being in our window is the way bright yellows and oranges light up when the morning sun comes through our kitchen.  Just like it was meant to be!

On the other side of the sink, I kept the Fall decor to a minimum.  I changed out the hand soap, which aside from the scent of "Farmhouse Pumpkin" doesn't look very Fall.  But I added this felt pumpkin from the Bullseye Playground to compliment it.  I also had this boxwood sprig from last year's Fall line at Target's BP to the glass vase I keep there year round.  Every season, I change out the florals that go in it, and it makes it easy to change up the look when I need to (and doesn't cost much at all!)

I also keep a small jar of essential oils on this tray - this one in Lemongrass.  I learned recently that if you put a few drops of this (any scent) in your disposal, it helps make your kitchen smell fresh!  I like this scent for Fall, but you can use any essential oil to get the effect.

In this small corner of our kitchen, I leave out this marble tray that I got from my cousin for Christmas one year.  (It's a Threshold tray from several years ago, but I know they still sell similar ones).  This is another area I can decorate every few months with just a few pieces to get the look I'm going for in the kitchen.  This year, I just added a pumpkin scented candle I've had for years, a faux pumpkin from Hobby Lobby and a "Happy Harvest" wooden sign from the Dollar Tree.

If you know me at all, you know how much I love Disney!  I recently moved this chalkboard "Be Our Guest" plate to this corner, and I know there's nothing Fall about "Beauty and the Beast" but seeing this in the corner while I have to do the dishes makes me happy.  So for now, this will probably stay here :)

That's it for the House Tour this Fall!  I hope you enjoyed seeing how I used some of the new pieces I bought this year.  Thank you for following along, and Happy Fall!!

"The trees say they're tired, they've born too much fruit; Charmed all the wayside, there's no dispute; Now shedding leaves, they don't give a hoot - La-di-da, di-da-di-dum, 'tis Autumn!" ~Nat King Cole